I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
