Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
