Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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