why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it glows. i had to have it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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