i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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