either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
