checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
