I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
