I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
