bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
