I wish I could teleport
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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