Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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