return my video game
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
