His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
it's not cheating when I paid for it
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
