On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
