My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
