oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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