What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
