I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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