she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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