Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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