We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
