Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
