he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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