okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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