i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
