i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
