I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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