This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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