Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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