I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
