My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You should frame my arrest warrant.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
