Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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