Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
