I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
