Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
