Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
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I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
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I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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