i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
