hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Randomize
