piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I stole a fireplace last night.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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