Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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