like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
