Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
