Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
