It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
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I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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