I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
