We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
