She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
