Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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