can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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