I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
