Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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