no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
