i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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