Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
