Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
