I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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