woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
