Kareoke will never be a sober sport
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
