Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
