HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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