I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
