How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
