There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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