3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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