The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
