I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
