Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
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Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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