haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
