Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
