Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
