Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife