before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos