Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES