OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything