I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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