I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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