i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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